Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Apollo 13...did i hear that right? And a small lesson in listening!

One of my favorite movies is APOLLO 13 starring Tom Hanks, Kevin Bacon, Gary Sinise and Bill Paxton as, Jim Lovell, Jack Swigert , Ken Mattingly and Fred Haise. The movie also stars some other people, obviously, who help make the story come alive!

The first time i actually paid attention while watching this move i was like "what??"  That moment happened to be during  a short scene where Jim, played by TH is  going to the bathroom and he says "it's too bad we can't demonstrate this on TV" and Fred, played by Paxton, just smiles and a few seconds later says "all right, overboard dump comin up....here it comes...the constellation urion."
I was like "constellation urine,," i busted out laughing because it was SO FUNNY! of course they would call it constellation urine. TOTALLY makes sense.

But then i started to doubt myself that they ACTUALLY said "urine" so i went back to that part of the movie and put on the subtitles and they weren't saying URINE, they were saying URION. Then i started to think about what if they had actually said "urine" constellation urine sounds really dumb! Then i was curious about if their actually was a urion constellation, which there is not, there is however, an ORION constellation! I love learning new things!!

I find it fascinating that sometimes, when we don't pay attention, we mis-interpret what people say or we completely don't know what they said. It is important to PAY ATTENTION to what people are saying so that we know what they are saying so we know how to respond!


Until next time!

Friday, May 3, 2019

A picture of depression and Hope


If you know me well, you know that i LOVE medical stuff! Even if you have never met me, now you know that i LOVE medical stuff! One of the medical shows that i like to watch is Grey's Anatomy! I honestly do not remember why i got hooked on it, probably cuz well, i LOVE medical stuff! or maybe it's because of the first five minutes of the Pilot episode...

ANYWAY....the last few episodes have dealt with the character Jo (aka Brooke) She had been on a quest to find her birth mother and one of the other Doctors helped her out by hacking a system (genius doctor IMO) ANYWAY, she found her birth mother and went to go visit her.

Before i get into the details of her visit with her birth mom, just a little background on Jo, she had been homeless and had lived in her car, she went to school, met a dude named Paul Stadler, married him, he turned out to be an abusive husband who isolated her from friends and family and made her believe that no one wanted her and would physically hurt her when he did not like what she did or said. Paul eventually suffered from a secondary concussion before his first concussion healed that made him brain dead and Jo decided to donate his organs. PERFECT no more abuse! YAY she married Alex and was happy :-) then she decided she wanted to find her birth mom and Alex was very supportive :-) and Levi helped her out!

OK, now lets get into the visit with her birth mother! Before i begin, i did not watch the episode because the network put out a VIEWER DISCRETION WARNING, and i kind of knew what was coming based on the preview they showed all week, but i did read the summary and it was exactly as i predicted plus some more, so here we go....

Jo went to go meet her birth mom and basically her birth mother told her that Jo was conceived via rape and mom didn't want her...WHAT A HUGE BLOW TO JO....she had already been alienated by her husband and now she learned that her mom basically didn't want her so that's why Jo was homeless....

This news caused Jo to go into a state of shock and depression! It is understandable that she is upset. Some people in a Grey's group I am in are mad that Jo isn't talking to her husband about it, well guess what? Jo has every right not to tell her husband about it! Jo will tell Alex when she is good and ready and ONLY when she is good and ready! One things that i have learned with my own experience of being depressed is that every little thing makes you mad, you start not caring about things anymore and you do some pretty stupid things. Everyone deals with depression differently, Jo went to work completely wasted!!

So how can Alex come alongside Jo during this time? He can come along beside her by asking her "Jo, how can  i help you" instead of insisting Jo talk to him about what happened with her birth mom

It is appalling to me that people say Jo needs to "snap out of it" you don't just snap out of depression! you NEVER EVER EVER tell someone to snap out of depression as that will just make things worse than they already are! and shame on those people who aren't educated on the subject who think jo NEEDS to tell alex right away what happened..NO SHE DOES NOT!!!!!! As i stated before, Jo will tell Alex ONLY when she is ready!!

What else should you NEVER say to someone who is depressed?? Here are some things that are listed on Psycom.net (i will write them but you can also check out the web page the lady who wrote the article is a LICENSED social worker, so you can't really say she's wrong since this is what she does for a living :-))
--think positive
--don't think about it
--i know how you feel
--count your blessings
--it could be worse
--get over it

INSTEAD ask or say the following:
--How can i help you during this time
--i'm sorry that your hurting, i'm here for you
--tell me more about it (keep in mind, the person may not want to talk about it and that is OK, they are probably still processing what happened and need time to sort out their feelings and thoughts
--would you like to take a walk with me
--can i keep you company today
--can i bring you dinner this week
--thank you for sharing this with me so i can understand what you are going through (this is a big one, but only when the person is ready to share, will they share what they are going through!

So what exactly does depression look like??
Here are some common symptoms
--sad, anxious or empty mood
--feeling of hopelessness or helplessness
--gult or worthlessness
--loss of interest in activities
--changes in eating (weight gain/loss)
--moving or talking slowly
--difficulty concentrating or making decisions...and yes, sometimes they are stupid decisions, like getting wasted and going to work!
--sleep disturbance
--thoughts of death/suicide
--physical pain

Keep in mind, people react differently to depression, for me, i didn't want to talk to anyone or even be in the same space as someone else, i didn't enjoy things i had used to enjoy, i stayed in my room playing video games cuz that's the only thing i found joy in, i laid awake for hours before finally falling asleep. i felt guilty about everything i did because i wasn't sure if it was the "right" thing to do i had thoughts of self harm.

So why did I personally have all these thoughts? well, basically put, i had a guy in my life who I will call Paul Stadler, because well, his demeanor and manner was basically the same as the fictional character played by Matthew Morrison.  he basically told me what i wanted to hear and finally took advantage of me and took away my virginity! i was depressed and mad and upset for WEEKS and every little thing set me off. and i know it wasn't fair but i snapped at every body and told everyone to stop talking to me!..FINALLY after many many many months..i think it was maybe about 24 months. i had the courage to go to counseling for it.

My counselor is AWESOME! his name is Tony and i like him a lot! he doesn't force me to talk about anything if i don't want to, he always asks me "so how are you" and i can answer however i want and i can ask questions! i have been going to counseling for just about 3 years now and i have not only slowly started coming out of my depression, but i am also finding joy in more things now! Will Jo need counseling? ABSOLUTELY, and I hope Alex encourages her to go when she finally tells him what happened! Not only will it help Jo cope with stress, it will be a safe environment for her to vent her feelings with someone who had not known her before!

I liked how i went to counseling with someone who had not known me before hand. it made it easier! PLUS the couch is comfy to sit on so i'm more relaxed. OH, and one more thing i i will admit to, i have cried in counseling! but i felt like I could because i was in a safe place and i knew Tony wouldn't care because i'm sure tons of his clients cried in front of him before!

I am not completely over my depression and probably never will be, but i have found ways to manage it! one of the things i do is write my thoughts out in my diary, it does help a lot!

Not everyone suffers in the same way. the brilliant minds, who writes Grey's Anatomy are doing a great job making depression more realistic by spreading it out over several episodes. IF they had "cured" it the next episode that would most definitely NOT be realistic! spreading it out over several episodes makes it more real!

As someone once told me "sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom before you come back up to the surface"  In last nights GA episode i could see that Jo had hit her "rock bottom" I feel like last night was just that one thing that was like "WHOA".

Jo is a strong women and she is going to come out on the other side a completely different person than before! She is going to do great things and can and SHOULD be an advocate for those suffering from depression and Anxiety!


Until next time!

Happy Trails!

Wednesday, January 9, 2019






a while back i had blogged about my dream involving both Derek and Max..

Well, what i didn't mention that Derek and i were MARRIED...

anyway...so, it was a typical work-day and Max and I were having our FIRST ever patient at the NEW OBGYN department to deliver her baby :-) we were THRILLED to be finally using new techniques and procedures for helping women have a wonderful birthing experience...

Our first patient ever  in the made-over department was none other than...DEREK'S SISTER AMELIA (also from Grey's Anatomy) Amy as we called her was having a baby boy and he was going to be named Chris, after her big brother (Derek's middle name is Christopher) Amy was excited and nervous, as many first time mommy's are! We were ready! we brought her to her own private labor/delivery suite! We had even went so far as to put out ALL her favorite books, movies and magazines for her stay! She was thrilled. Being trained as a labor coach i helped her with breathing and walking and helped her stay calm. Then i left so Derek could help his sister since baby Chris's dad was not in the picture.

I went to Max's office to report back to him about what we had done and how things were going. We also monitored her progress via computer monitor and security camera footage that we had placed in each room to be sure no abuse was happening. We had put all the nursing staff through intense training, but we also added extra security measures as well to ensure patient safety!

All of a sudden while reviewing Amy's progress and going over some budget reports and stuff, Max said "you know you are a really good doctor, and a good partner" i blushed, said "thank you" and went back to work..I don't know what it was, but hormones took over and pretty soon without even realizing it at all, Max and I were kissing.....and getting all hot and heavy...and then my beeper went off because Amy's fetal monitor was going off, Baby was in distress and i needed to go........

That is when my brain woke up.................

So yes, i am, a dream cheater..............

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

2018 Christmas "letter"

December 19, 2018

Merry Christmas!

This year for my “letter” I’m going to tell you 10 things that happened in 2018 in no particular order! So, without further explanation, here we go!

1. Crossed “Go to the state of New York” off my bucket list! I still have a ton of items on my bucket list, one more of which will be completed in July of 2019 when we go  to Seattle/Lynden WA for my Cousins wedding!

2. Went to Niagara Falls Canada!!!!!! As a family we had been their before, a LONG time ago so it was fun to go again!

3. 7 years after graduating from sleeping on college dorm room beds (and graduating college), I did it again when I went to a Women’s conference in July. Dorm room beds are NOT comfortable at all! I was glad to get home and sleep on my nice comfy mattress!

4. Found out my sister and brother in law were adopting a baby boy!!! I was so excited, i bought my future nephew a bunch of dinosaur outfits :-) I’m hoping he grows up to like dinosaurs!

5. Went through customs in Canada ALL BY MYSELF! Since we flew in to Toronto, I got to fill out my own customs declaration form and tell the customs agent dude why I was their and how long I would be staying! It was easy it was all over in 3 minutes.

6. Turned 30 years old........

7.  Experienced what it was like to sit in a hospital surgery waiting room while my dad was in surgery....it was boring.... now I know that when I had back surgery way back in 2003 my parents were probably bored out of their minds waiting... the hour and a half wait seemed MUCH longer.

8. When we were in Canada visiting my grandparents we went to a set of locks and it was actually pretty neat to see, The locks are all opened by hand so you need to have really good am strength! We also took my Aunt Irma out to eat one night, that was really fun because my Aunt is pretty great!

9. I had fun buying goofy Christmas presents for my family!

10. Set some goals for 2019! HOPEFULLY i’ll be able to keep some of them AND, cross  more items off of my bucket list!

Well, those are some things that happened in 2018!! 
I hope all of you have a wonderful Christmas and a very happy new year!

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Interesting/Fun Dream!

So last night i had a dream....

It involved, myself, Dr Max Goodwin from the show New Amsterdam, Derek Shepherd from Grey's Anatomy and Jack Shepard from Lost!

Dr. Max became my boss as he was head of the ENTIRE hospital..

I don't remember much of the details BUT....I was assistant head of the hospital along with Max, and Derek was one of our Senior Dr.s  (I was his boss) The issue in the hospital was that the OBGYN department was NOT treating patients well...instead of being kind and generous, they were being mean...such as, punching patients in the nose to see if they could handle a "natural birth" and if the patient SCREAMED in pain the Dr or nurse would slap them and yell at  them to SHUT UP and NOT giving them an epidural for the pain even if it was in their birth plan which was NOT followed....at all... AND the majority of women gave birth via c-section because of them not being able to handle being punched in the face........

SO,....in comes Max and myself, we fire ALL the OBGYN doctors/nurses on the spot, send all the patients in labor to the BEST hospital in town and completely pay in full the hospital/birth fees for all patients in the hospital at that time...

How did Jack fit in to this?? well, i'll tell ya...Jack's wife was in full blown out labor and i was in the area and heard her scream and heard the nurse basically yell at her to shut up....I paged Max, he came running, i told him what happened and he was like yup,...it is as bad as i thought....SO, Max and I devised a plan and then fired the entire OBGYN department! As i told Max in my dream, women who are in pain should NOT be yelled at or treated as if they are dumb!

The Re-building of the department was fun! we  hired 3 doctors fresh out of med school 5 doctors who had 5 years of experience and 10 doctors who had over 15 years of experience! We also hired 25 new nurses the department was completely different after that! No more yelling at patients, birthing plans were actually being followed AND the OB department received an award in excellence and Max and I both got awards for running a wonderful hospital team!

My dream ended with EVERY getting a make-over and soon our hospital was voted #1 in the country and we won tons of awards and even received millions of dollars in grant money to be able to help people who could not afford quality medical care!

I woke up feeling VERY satisfied!!!!

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

FAVORITE Harry Potter Moments

Here are my favorite moments or just things we learn about from ALL the Harry Potter books/movies! I have more than 10 so i'll be counting up this time!

1..When Harry learned he was a wizard!

2..when Harry, Ron and Hermione set out to save the Philosopher's stone from getting into the wrong hands

3..Harry winning the Tri-wizard tournament..and abiding by Cedric's wishes and returning his body to his Father

4...When Harry finds out Sirius Black (a convicted murder) was his Godfather....

5..When Sirus explained he was WRONGLY accused of murdering 13 people with a single curse

6..When Harry, Ron and Hermione SAVE Sirius from the dementors sucking out his soul

7..Harry receiving his Fathers invisibility cloak

8..Harry Dancing at the YULE BALL

9...Harry deciding to not go to school his last year and instead looking for the 7 horcruxes to defeat the dark lord FOREVER!

10....Finding out in the LAST harry potter book that Snape was actually PROTECTING Harry because he was in love with Lily, Harry's mother!

11...Harry learning all about wizards

12..Diagon Alley and all the cool stuff!

13..Fred and George's joke shop!

14...The order of the Phoenix

15..the ministry of magic

16...Harry taking a port key for the first time


18....Harry being made SEEKER on the quidditch team

19......Harry naming his son Albus Severus Potter

20....Harry destroying the ELDER WAND!!!!

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

FRIENDS...my top 10 moments

Here is my top 10 countdown from the show FRIENDS!!

10..When Ross gets a monkey as a pet!

9..When Chandler says he doesn't like ice cream cuz it's "to cold"

8..Phoebe making up a clever song during "the one with the blackout"

7...Joey getting the role of Al Pacino's butt in a movie

6...Chandler breaking up with Janice AGAIN on Valentine's day

5...Joey working at Caesars's palace in Las Vegas after his movie gets canceled due to no money being available

4..Meeting Phoebe's half brother Frank Jr

3...When Joey gets a job at the museum Ross works at as a Tour Guide

2..Chandler and Monica getting married

1..Phoebe being a surrogate for her half brother and sister in law and giving birth to TRIPLETS!!!!